the problem is you don't know me
the problem has always been the same

the problem will manifest
because i let it
and each time i say no more

i put up with it
you gave me the bridge
but i want you to throw me over.

shoving me onto the bridge isn't nearly enough.
i want you to throw me off.
i apparently didn't hit rock bottom hard enough the first time.

maybe you did and that's why i did this.
or maybe you just shoved me face first into the gravel and grit.
this time i want to bleed.

consequences.
consequential - quantum
"when i bite my lip i bite yours too".


now i get it.

cross it larissa.
what the fuck are you waiting for.

that was bad timing,
for my patience to run out
to give in
because now you are stuck in this mess.
you, me, them.
why
time hates me.
it really does.
i dont know who had worse timing
me or them.

it doesn't matter.
i always find myself in the same fucking mess
and i never learn.

i cant' do this.
it is hurting too many people.
i should have just waited.
but that is what i get for having no patience
for living under desperation and pain.
i should have just listened.

i should have just walked away a long time ago.
but i can't.
and i don't know why I am always so blind at the time
and find myself wide eyed
when it's too late.

Is this how things are really supposed to be? Have I really been that blind all along that I ignored those faults, forgave those faults, because I thought that that was all there was.
Now I know what it's supposed to feel like. It's supposed to feel wonderful, make you want to wake up and jump out of the bed in the morning, make you want to sing all night long, make you want to run across oceans.
Maybe it's because they all went through the same thing, and we all happened to meet at the right time.

I don't care.
I can go to bed happy
wake up happy
every day now.

everything comes and happens and bleeds and dies and breathes and lives.
and i think we're granted with every moment for a reason
nothing is out of place or time
though the way life disorients us
when we're tossed off cliffs and mountains
to dirt floors
while inhaling those moments we fly in the sky
those are meant to happen
we just can't handle the change
but it comes and come it will...
come it may....
i'm ready for it.

A lot has changed.
A lot is still changing.
Some things repeat, and this will be the last time they repeat.
Tomorrow is another day always.
I will continue to live because tomorrow is there and I never know what it will give me.
A shove to the dirt, a smack in the face.
A warm glance, a brilliant smile.
People cross my path
I cross theirs
Sometimes I invade
sometimes I wake up there.

Did this all make sense?
Because I'm trying to tell you something.